Lisa Temple Actress Your Senator, Doctor, Teacher, Mom

Today is the day I’ve decided to make an appointment for my colonoscopy. Maybe that’s no big deal to you, but as a perfectionist with White Coat Anxiety, this day is fraught with all sorts of land mines. Just thinking about going to a doctor’s office makes me break out into a sweat. Everywhere I look there’s a misperceived disaster waiting for me. So far I’m having no fun at all. 

Let’s just clarify what it means to have WCA. My cheeks turn beet red, my pulse elevates, I’m sure my blood pressure numbers would scare the shit out of any seasoned nurse, I can’t breathe, and my hands shake and my teeth chatter uncontrollably. Okay, I’m exaggerating – my teeth don’t chatter.

There’s no way this will turn out how I want it to: “No, Lisa, there’s no need for you to come in – everything is perfect! See you in ten years!” That’s not going to happen. I have put off an appointment with a Colorectal Specialist for too long. I tried to get this thing started last year, made a couple phone calls, found out some info, had a nightmare, and put it all back on the shelf. There’s really nothing else to do but pull the Band-Aid off.

So finally on this day, I retrieved my notes from the shelf, took a deep breath, and made the call to a Colorectal and Pelvic Floor Surgeon. Yummy. What an enchanting profession. You’d think they’d come up with something a little more inviting. And what a surprise to learn he had no appointments for two months. Thrilling.

You see, if I’d just made the call back in April, I could’ve had this appointment in June, and be done with the whole thing. Now I get to think about going to a butt doctor all summer. Gotta go. Starting to hyperventilate.